Gooood Morning, Mumbai! Waking up is the easiest thing ever, isn’t it? That’s why I’m usually doing it 3 to 5 times every morning. With every time I hit the snooze button, I do it a little bit harder in the hopes this damn piece of junk will shut the hell up. Well, it never does.
Nevertheless, it’s a good thing, because it’s not very practical to wake up and immediately jump out the door. Yes, sometimes, when I wake up, I’m thinking of jumping right out the window, but that’s beside the point. Everyone has a morning routine to help him/her dealing with the stress of going to work. Some like to do a little yoga, others to say a silent prayer to Satan, third to read the news. The point is to try and relieve stress before you even got it. May be calling on the Demon lord won’t be as effective as doing yoga, so we will make an effort to offer you the top 5 things you should do every morning before leaving for work.
1.Listen to an upbeat song
We’ve all seen this one person who bursts out singing a song in public without wearing any headphones or earbuds. Just like that. A quick shout of rhythmic, totally toneless, and out of tune, followed by an abrupt moment of shame that haunts him/her throughout the day. Well, this unfortunate soul can be you. You might wonder why in the name of Cathulhu would you want to be in this poor person’s place? The answer is really simple. This sudden public burst is a display of happiness, enthusiasm, and joy.
To get into this hype, you will need the help of a famous singer or group. Not personally, of course. Those guys are too busy having sex, doing drugs, and living the life you so hopelessly desire, but you’ll never have. No, they will help you with their music. Find an upbeat song that is positive, energetic, and, most importantly, catchy. Play it first thing in the morning, every morning. This will bring you happy vibes, and the song will get stuck in your head. Just don’t place the song as your alarm, because you’ll start hating it in about a week.
2.Kiss your significant other
This one is a team exercise, so if you live alone, like a suicidal giraffe, who moved to the Indian jungles in the hopes of being eaten by a Bengal tiger, you can skip this one. If not, it’s quite simple, really. You know how it’s done. You hug your partner, look into his eyes, and kiss him/her passionately. After that, you start a dance routine like in a Bollywood movie. If you see the cast names floating upwards through the window, you are either still dreaming or mentally ill.
The kiss with your loved one is giving strength and receiving assurance you will be there for him/her if he/she needs you. The power of one kiss is more robust than thousands of words. Just don’t forget to brush your teeth before that. Otherwise, the kiss’s strength will have a whole new meaning, which you wouldn’t want to be remembered for.
3.Exercise
This is the last thing you want to do early in the morning, especially when you are expecting your ass to be handed to you on a silver platter with mash potatoes with onion, vinegar, and a dash of curry as a side dish, at work in a few hours. Even so, a morning workout will energize your body and sharpen your mind. You can go for a jog around your neighborhood or have a swim in the Mithi river. The second one may prove even more beneficial if you grow wings or gills afterward. Even if you don’t have the time for this long training sessions, you must do at least 10 pushups, 10 situps, and 10 squats. Or at least some yoga. That’s easy, right? If you do, the results on your body and mind will be so tremendous that you will be as surprised as a dyslexic devil worshiper who has just summoned Santa.
4.Smile
A simple smile can better any situation. This is the second greatest weapon you have against sadness, demotivation, and bad mood—the first one being, of course, riding your pink unicorn that farts rainbows and pisses beer. But just in case you don’t have one or forgot where you’ve parked it, a simple smile will do.
You don’t need anything. You can find a reason to smile in almost anything. The neighbor’s cat just took a dump in its owner’s shoes. It will be sunny. You’ve become a millionaire after Donald Trump transferred half his fortune to you after mistakingly typing your name instead of his son’s while trying to kill a fly repeatedly landed on his keyboard. It’s all the same. There’s really nothing to it. Just smile to your significant other, to your children, or to a stranger. If you do the last one, please don’t be creepy. The internet has enough memes with creepily smiling Indians. Try avoiding becoming famous in this particular way.
5.Have a normal breakfast
Eating is like drinking, only with solid food, instead of a drink. This revelation blew your mind without a doubt, but please focus. Having breakfast is the single most important duty you have to your body before throwing it to work. Stress, bad habits, and immobilization for hours will exhaust it like a half-empty sunscreen by an albino who went to the beach for the first time in 5 years.
Making a nutritious breakfast is hard enough in the morning, but having no open shops or bakeries is just absurd. Thankfully, services like The BreakFirst club offer an early-hour delivery of products, essential for making a tasty and nutritious breakfast your body deserves.
According to most nutritionists, breakfast is the single most important meal of the day, and your grandmother agrees. What greater authority you must hear it from, to start spending a bit more time preparing yourself a breakfast?
Add these 5 suggestions in your morning routine at once, if you are still not doing them. They will help you be more fresh, in a better mood, and even beat your best score on Super Mario during work.